My dear, old friend
// June 1, 2017 //
My dear, old friend is a funny one.
She stays too long and leaves too fast. She has a way of making me enjoy her company, but at the same time wish she would hurry up and leave… But then I blink and she is gone. How could it be so? Where could she have gone?
Her presence brings memories, sadness, laughter, and fulfillment.
She tells stories of healing and growth. She tells stories of change.
I believe you, reader, may know her, too… her name is Time.
A lot has changed over my journey with Time. I’ve wished many seasons would end so I could rest before the next stage, but I’ve wanted to enjoy the time there and not rush life at the same time.
But then I blink.
Today is June 1, 2017.
I have a semester left of college.
I have read four books of Harry Potter with my roommate. Out loud. In British accents.
I have seen Hamilton.
I have crocheted my first blanket.
I have directed a ministry for elementary school kids for two years.
I have been dating my best friend for over 4 months.
I have my fourth internship this summer (and am SO excited).
I haven’t climbed in around a year due to a knee injury, and I have survived. (barely)
I have a beautiful sister who I got to do life with at Taylor.
I’ve been learning something about time.
It’s not mine.
Seems simple, right? Well, I’ve been learning something a bit more than that.
God’s timing (yes, time is His) is PERFECT.
I typically do not actually believe that. I would like to say that I believe that wholeheartedly on a regular basis. However, my mind consents and my heart does not. I know His timing is perfect, but I do not KNOW it. Ya know?
Because if I consent to the fact, I relinquish my control and my independence.
Oh, shoot.
I’ve realized that a lot lately. I typically believe I am trusting God and doing well, but in reality I am thinking things or complaining in a way that reveals my heart – that I am not truly completely surrendered to Christ.
It’s the beautifully awful part of Christianity. Or maybe the awfully beautiful part. The more You realize how beautiful Jesus is, the more you realize how ugly your sin is and how much you desperately need Him to wash you clean and shape your heart daily.
I need Him to continue to do in me what He has already declared over me.
So my continual prayer:
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24.
I don’t really have a big, deep point to this post. It’s a pretty simple concept that I’m ashamed I still struggle with, and probably always will. My time is not my own, and I am not in control. Here’s a reminder to myself:
Megan, your time is not Your own. If you commit Yourself to the Lord, He will give you the desires of Your heart, because Your heart will be one after His own. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Wait and rest in His arms. Don’t be distracted by the blessings He has given you, but surrender them daily and know they are from Him. You are not independent by fighting for your way. The truest independence will come as an independence from sin. Live freely, Meg, because You have been set free! While your body is in bondage of time, you are not chained to the burden of worrying about what time will bring. James 4:14-15 says, “…yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”” You are a mist, Meg. Whisper Jesus’ name and relinquish control to your sweet Savior. Love, Megan.
Our dear old, friend is truly a funny one. I think that she passes slowly, but in reality, my time here on earth is like a mist.
I can’t waste it.
May I never love the world more than my Jesus.
May I never forget how powerful and sweet His name is.
May I never think of myself higher than others.
May I never abandon Christ as my first love.
May I never dishonor my parents in my hunger for independence.
I relinquish my control. I relinquish my independence. Daily.
I am thankful for patient parents, for a sweet sister, and for a compassionate boyfriend. (He teaches me to be more like God daily, even when he does not realize it.) I am thankful for a God who never gives up on me. I am thankful that the more I think about Jesus, the easier it is to love Him and to love others.
I am thankful for the time He has given me. I am in a sweet, sweet time of life that I’d only trade for seeing my Jesus face to face. It’s not time for that yet, though, so I will hope in that day and enjoy what God has made beautiful in this time.
“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. (Ecclesiastes 3:11-13 NLT).
